Work out center attire

I don't get this...
We get to the work out center right when it opens, at 7AM.
Now when I go to the workout center first thing in the morning like that I just get out of bed and put on whatever I'm going to work out in.  That way, I can just get there and begin working out.
I still followed this routine when I had to go straight to work from working out - I just brought my bag with necessities and cloths, put them in the locker room, then began working out.

Several of the people at our French workout center seem to get up, get fully dressed as if they're going to work, come to the workout center carrying their gym bag with workout cloths, change in the locker room, then work out. At 7AM.

I don't get it - why would you get fully dressed at 6:30AM just to come to the workout center and change.  One lady even goes all the way with the hose, heels, skirt suit and full makeup. Then changes to work out.

I just don't get it.

Big Meanie

 My husband said the meanest thing he could have ever said to me last night...
We were in the kitchen, he was reheating his food and I was putting together what I wanted to have for dinner.

He looks at my plate and says...hunny, you're drinking wine, eating olives and cheese and bread...you're so French

Filing for divorce today

How many people can I piss off today...

First, I started off by telling my French teacher that I didn't think I should continue
the private, one on one, lessons because I think I learn better in a classroom environment.
Her response... ok, i'm not sure how you think a class would be better (in that "you've completely insulted me and my entire way of life" tone)  See what I've done here is basically told this French woman that I didn't like the way she did her job - major no no.

Second, what exactly do you have to do to get this response from someone (just the juicy tidbits from a very loooooong email)
I want you and your little circle of what I consider to be very insecure, judgemental, inexperienced angry young females to know...
I do see a little less anger and control in her than I see in you! WOW! could there be more anger in a woman!!
You are a young woman married to err such a handsome? apparentley charming man? obsessed with ignoring you for his intence hobbies
I am however curious as to when you may tire of that maybe then your anger and frustration and decision not to have children will dissipate for your future, I do hope so....
Im sensitive to peoples feelings when they respect me enough to do the same...shame you do not have the class to do so!
I find you incredibley glib & rude
Any nastyness and exclusion of others to make yourself feel better is so spiritually low and to a more experienced woman quite pathetic...
I remember when I was 12 I think this was the last time I experienced this rubbish =)
I truly pity you, you are much more "see through" than you think, again I hope one day you can look in the mirror and not see something you dont like looking back, yes it is that obvious =(
Reiki love & light to you =)
Then she attached two pictures of herself
 


What did I do to this poor little woman to warrent this type of response...I didn't invite her to my party.  Other than that, I've honestly not had more than a 3 minute conversation with her. There's about 5 of us that have gotten together for lunch several times over the last few months.  I just didn't like some of the things I've heard her say, generally try to avoid conversations with her, so didn't invite her.  Geeze. And what's up with sending glamor shots of yourself with an email like that?

Blueberry?

Really strange...there have been a couple of mornings lately where the outside of my house is overwhelmed with the small of something sweet smelling. It's almost like what a bowl of Fruitty Pebbles smells like (remember from your childhood)...but with a little bit more of a blueberry smell...maybe more like the blueberry syrup at IHOP.

When I walk outside to take the dog for a walk I smell it. I remember it happened last year at this time too - and there was one other time in the year I smelled it. It's an overwhelming smell.

This isn't like the time I woke up at 3Am smelling blueberries - I thought I was havng some freaky dream, but it turned out to be Sparky's sister burning a blueberry candle down the hall - we were at her house and she was up getting ready to go to work (she's a nurse.) It can't be the neighbors breakfast because their house is too far away to be able to smell their food. There are several bakeries around, but non that close that I've ever smelled bread cooking (otherwise I'm sure I'd eat much more than I do now.) The only thing I can think is that it must come from the perfumeries that are located not far from us - seems like quite a distance for the smell to travel, but I don't know how else to explain it.

I swear I'm not making it up. I don't have some crazy subliminal blueberry fettish. My house smells like IHOP blueberry syrup.

Ignore the American and she'll go away

This seems to be the consensus, allow me to provide examples:

Hi relocation company, when we talked last week you said you were going to 
order Tolltags and I should get back to you this week.
Hi, it's been another 2 weeks, any news on the tolltags yet?
Hi, another 2 wks, any news yet?
Ok, it's been 3 months, what's up with our tolltags?

Hi property management company, the roof of our side porch fell you should really
come see this and we'll need to get it pulled down right away - it's a little dangerous.
Hi, didn't you say you were coming out last week?
Hi, it's been a week since you saw it and deemed it highly dangerous - is anything
goingto be done about it?
Um, hi, it's been down a month now, can we have someone clean it up?
Hi, two months now, any word on when this "highly dangerous" porch will be cleaned up?
Ok, we're going on 3 months now, nobody returns my calls, I'm here to show you a
picture of how dangerous this porch is, can you please get someone to clean it up?
Ok, I didn't get a call back like you said last week, here's a picture again,
is anything going to be done?
Right, we're going on 4 months now, am I going to have to start calling every day?

Hi workout center, do you have my updated swipe card?  I did like you said and
gave it to the girl at the counter a month ago. No, you'll look for it and get back to me, ok.
Hi, it's been two weeks, do you have my updated card yet?  No, can't find it, yeah,
I'm sure you'll look for it this afternoon.  Yeah, I know the routine, i'll check back
again next week.

Hi property management company, we have hot water, but I can't get the boiler 
turned on properly to give us heat in the house, can someone make the 1 minute drive 
from your office to my house and show me how?
Um, hi again, nobody called me back last week like you said, (insert same request as above)
Hi, it's been a month now and I haven't received a call back, it's really getting cold.
 
Hi bike shop, do you have any more of these Powerbars? No, well, can you order a box of them for my husband? Great, thanks.  Hey, while I'm here, my husband
lost this piece off his new Oakley sunglasses - can you order a replacement?
Hi, it's been a week and I was told to come back today for the PowerBars and sunglass piece. 
Do you have them, no, hua, you say you didn't order them yet, I should come back
next Monday...um ok.

Son of Satan

We're living in a rental house here in France.  You know sometimes when you move into
rental house you tend to find things left by the previous tennant?   Well, when we first moved in we found this picture...


Is that not the most evil looking child you've ever seen?
Man, those eyes stare straight at you like daggers.

Her putty and other random thoughts

I thought this was interesting...my Slovokian friend has a Russian boyfriend 
who is currently attending University in Finland.  He cannot step foot back in Russia right now because he is in that age range that they consider "draftable." She told me his family had to meet him outside of Russia for Christmas holidays because if he steps foot in Russia as soon as they scan his passport and see he's in this "age range" he will immediately be detained and drafted into the army.   Interesting hua? They will allow him to graduate high school and leave Russia to attend university, but if he ever steps foot back in the country (while he's in this age range) he will be drafted.

In France, high school students are required to give 3 days of military service before they can graduate.

This lady I work with had an interesting situation come up the other day.  She maintains people's summer/vacation/2nd homes here on the riviera.  There was an apartment that had a painter in doing some work.  The person in the apartment left the painter there by himself.  He finished working, and decided to leave a window open to allow air in.  The plumber shows up, knocks on the door - no answer because nobody is home.  Looks around, sees the open window, goes in through the open window and proceeds to do his plumbing work.  The person staying in the apartment comes home to find the plumber in her home and proceeds to freak out.  The plumber didn't see why the person staying in the apartment was so upset. What kind of rational thought went in to climbing in through a window to do your work when no one is home?  How is that OK?

Speaking of this lady I work with...she has two cats.  I was introduced to them and asked what their names are.  Billy and Minu I'm told.  Then she says, I was a little unimaginative when I named him Minu.  What do you mean?  What does Minu mean in English?  Putty (except replace the tt with ss)  Um, OK, I guess that gets straight to the point.
 

I was being sarcastic you twit...

Let me tell you about my day...
I headed out the door on my way to do a few hours of work over at this lady's house.  
As soon as I pull out of my driveway area I realize I left my phone inside.  Now, at this
point on my street it's one lane, there's no room to turn, no side nook or driveway to turn around in, sure cars can go both directions here, but you just have to wait in one of the scarcely available side nooks or driveways until they pass.  The street isn't that busy at this time of the morning so I figure what the heck, I only have to go a few feet back before I can make it to a neighbor's driveway and turn around.  As I'm backing up a car comes up behind me.  Seeing that I was backing up to the driveway he stops and waits (for all of 5 seconds.)  I pull into the driveway like planned then stop so that he can pass (because now he's blocking the way I need to go.)  I kid you not, he stopped his car directly in front of mine, rolled down his window and proceeded to tell me off in French for backing up on the street.  

Idiot gone, phone now obtained, head to this lady's office.  It's generally just me and her in there sitting at one big desk facing each other as we work.  A French speaking collegue of hers comes in, we're introduced, say our hi's in my broken French and her broken English.  Now, understand, I can't speak alot of French but I can damn well understand my fair share - or enough that I get the gist of the conversation.  The woman I'm working with proceeds to tell her collegue (in French) the problem with strangers moving here and not speaking a word of the language.  Turns out, when French people want to talk about Americans in French in front of us they call us "etrangers" (strangers).  Once done with the rest of their conversation about me they both gave me that shy "we were totally just talking about you and hope you didn't comprehend any of it" look.  Nice.  The thing is, I really don't think the lady I was working with meant to be rude in doing this, she wanted me to work with her specifically because I was American and that would help her communicate to most of her customers.  So I'll forgive her for that - hell, I talk all the time about how I hate French people but actually am ok with a few of them (what, a few anyway).

Done with work, off to meet a few people for a birthday lunch.  There's the young Slovokian girl, another American lady, and the birthday boy - American who has lived in France 8 yrs who turns 70.  Picnic on the beach it is - no problem.  Birthday boy can hardly walk so I go ahead with him to stake out our spot on the beach while the other two finish picking up the roast chicken and sides (after he stops to pee in the parking lot like all good French people do.)  They join us a few minutes later and fun ensues.

Here's just some fun little conversation snippits and things that happened from this lunch:
Me - you know, I've lived here a year and I don't think there was a time last summer that I just dove in to the Medeterranian...
Bday Boy - well you can't really dive in from the beach here
Me - (after a 10 sec pause) yeah, I guess I mean jumped in, got in the water, you know...
******

Here's our view on the beach, beautiful, until the man who happened to be wearing a bikini and carrying what looked like the equivilent of 2 Dunlap tires on his belly walked around the corner. (for those not clear, a dunlap tire on a man is his fat roll)
******
The other ladies arrive, plates are passed out, we have a bag of french fries, a roast chicken that's been cut up for us, one plastic container of broccoli casserole, one with roasted zucchini.  There are bowls passed out to put the veggies in.  The other American lady looks at the bowl and says something (with a completely turned up nose and disgusted look on her face) about the bowls being dirty - they just had a little bit of dust on then from lack of use in the cabinet.  Mind you, she's sitting in sand, proceeds to get all her fingers messy with how she ate the chicken, all the food is sitting in its container on the sand, sand is going in her canned soda...why, exactly is she so worried about a dirty bowl?
******
Turns out she's also a total control freak when it comes to serving utensils.  She passed me and the other girl each a container of veggies and a fork, both of us assumed the fork was for us and in the mean time (before sticking it in our mouth) we could get scoop out some veggies.  NO. The aforementioned fork was the serving utensil for the veggy container and should have been passed around with it.  She may have mentioned something about that while things were being passed out, but to me it sounded like "here's a fork, here's the veggies."  When she realized I stuck the fork in my mouth after getting veggies she grilled me..."didn't I say it went with the veggies, I thought I made that perfectly clear."  Sure, she said it with a smile on her face, but it's the same smile as you'd see on some psycho fudge making county fair champion soccer mom who only lives to cook and make fudge when you tell her you dont' really like the fudge.  Kinda like a kitten coming at you with the intent to kill.  In the 2 hrs we were there she brought up my fork mistake (and repeated those same lines) 4 times.  I'm sure you're wondering, and yes, there was indeed a fork for everyone...I am still not sure why the fork I stuck in my mouth was any different that the fork she intended me to eat with - both white plastic.
******
As the conversation gets to one of those quiet moments, this lady decides to press me on details of my recent dog's death.  Weeks earlier when she asked me about it I told her I really wasn't comfortable talking about it in a lot of detail.  Didn't seem to matter now, she wanted to know and seems to be one of those people (who can't read others) and will continue to ask until you tell her.  So as gently as my tear ducts would allow me I told her what the vet said was wrong with him.  Then I joke, and say "in my professional medical opinion I think this is what it was..."  She says, "really, I didn't know you went to med school"  Um, I didn't, I was just being sarcastic...

Let me give you a little background on this lady - we've seen/talked to each other several times a week for the last 6 months.  She's really a nice person, and not nearly as "out to get me" this day as it might sound like.  She's just one of those peppy, energetic, happy people who thinks everything is happy.  Seeing the fork thing was a bit disturbing, but dog and medical opinion part is just her being nieve, just like how a 10 yr old would press you for questions or say things.

Oh, this always cracks me up to watch - she's also one of those people who will see something interesting, say...a kid playing or a guy on a gurney about to be put into the ambulance sitting next to him...and she'll get to where she's about 3 feet from the person and just stare and watch what they're doing.  TOTAL rubbernecker - I didn't realize people could do that when not in a car.  I just kept walking when she was staring at the guy on the gurney.  (So she raised her voice so I could hear her as she looked at him and tried to guess what had happened.)

Honest to god she really is nice, just acts a little like an undisciplined 10 yr old sometimes with the uncensored comments and nievity.

So, done with the pic nic, on the way home.  I get to a point where two roads, coming together merge.  I pause for a second to allow the huge 18-wheeler to turn the corner - the French guy in the car behind me honks at me and proceeds to yell and make hand movements to me.  For the love of god, I know I've just inconvenienced you by stopping, but I thought it might be in my best interest to let the big truck go first.  I know, silly me.  I'll be out of your stinky ass, cheese eating, pissing everywhere, French way soon so you can go smoke and eat tripe and duck liver.

Today's Experiment

I've seen these a lot in the grocery store produce department lately...I had no idea what they were, or what they tasted like. Since I'm fairly more open to experimenting with fruit (than French meat - they serve up some scarry shit in the meat department in a French grocery store).

Lychee - It is a tropical fruit tree native from southern China and Viitnam south to Indonesia and east to the Philippines - these happen to come from Madagascar (I love the name of that country). A little bit bigger than a large grape. Inedible rough red rind, peels off like the outside of a ripe alvacado. The inside is white with a texture like a grape. Has a suprising rose taste. To me, it taste like a Turkish delight (without the powder on the outside).

Rose flavor is not an appealing taste to me...but hey, at least I tried something new.

Maybe that's what I'll start doing, try a new fruit a week...

I don't speak FRENCH!

OK, this didn't happen to me, but a friend of mine, I just thought it was funny...plus, nothing really interesting has happened to me in the last couple of weeks...
(maybe because I've been able to avoid all French people...)

Picture a French grocery store on a Saturday (the only time most French people go to the grocery store so it's as crowded as Wal-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving)

My friend is stopped contemplating what chocolate cookies to purchase.
A fur coated, heavily makeup-ed, French lady asks her something in French.
My friend responds (in French) oh, I'm sorry, I don't speak French
Fur coat lady calls over her daughter who speaks bad English. Fur coat daughter asks something in bad English about chestnuts.
My friend points to the Nutella (which is like crack to French people - they sell it in gallon jars)
Fur coat daughter says no - much discussion to my friend in French, who continues to mumble back at them in that way all non French speakers do.
Fur coat lady and daughter insists my friend follow them to another section where they point to a box of chocolate covered chestnuts.
What my friend realized is that they wanted a larger box of these nuts...and that they apparently thought she worked in the store.

Sure, if she happened to be dressed in red, green and khaki, like the employees are it might have made sense. Had she spoke the language, maybe it might have made sense. If she hadn't had sunglasses on her head, a coat on, hiking boots, holding gloves in her hand, and a purse on her shoulder and a basket with products in it for purchase - yeah, I guess it could have looked like she worked there...

Must have been Parisians.

Bon Annee

We can do it...for god's sake we're still under the age of 35...
Not much longer now...
Keep those eyes open...no laying your head down yet...
Come on Sparky, stay with me...
Look alive, look awake...
The fire is still going...
The movie isn't over yet...
Just a little longer now...
Jeeze, how long is this crappy movie...
Dang it, I knew I shouldn't have let him have 1/2 a flute of Champaigne...he can't take alcohol...
Stay with me...
Stay with me...
Almost there...

WOO HOO Sparky, we did it!!
We stayed awake until midnight this year!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!